Lazlo: Well, old lobster-face is back, and up to his old tricks again…the fiend.
Popo: And this time around he’s relocated his shenanigans to the big city.
Partijama: A very wild big city.
Popo: And the big fella was loving every minute of it.
Partijama: Lieutenant Harrigan seemed to be up for the chaos and madness as well.
Popo: Whoo, what an entry he made, eh? Talk about pizzazz. Whatever he drinks in the morning must be strong enough to power a rocket all the way to Denden and back. That part when he went in to rescue his comrade, smashing off his vehicle door, and ramming aside vehicles…woohoo!
Lazlo: I liked how he hung out the side of his earth-craft…his car.
Popo: Hahahaa, that was crazy. He was made for the mayhem of that city; what a treat to see him and crab-face going at each other.
Lazlo: The Predator’s stealth device was once again quite impressive.
Popo (looks around with a fake spooked expression): Boy, he’d be a real handful in hide-and-seek, believe you me. Uh, hey, guys, I…I think I just saw something…
Partijama: What was it, Razz?
Popo: Why thank you for asking, Partijama. (Lazlo frowning and glowering) It looked like a space ripple in the shape of…(nervous giggle; hushed voice) a Predator.
Lazlo: Well, you needn’t worry, Popo.
Popo: Really? And why’s that, my ole buddy ole pal, eh, huh?
Lazlo: I’m fairly certain the Predator would get flogged by its companions for snagging a skull like yours.
Popo (snickering): Very funny.
Partijama: The outlaws at the start were actually quite funny, weren’t they?
Lazlo: Slapping handfuls of illicit powdered drugs in their faces, yelling, and getting worked up for the battle with the police. Hahaha…ah, what a riot!
Popo: Yeah, they were hilarious, and really well armed. And they were very confident too, like they expected to trounce the police.
Partijama: They were doing really well until the Predator showed up.
Lazlo: It all went quickly down-hill once lobster-face joined in. He’s very hard to beat without his stealth; with it, he is nigh invincible, for Bombastykans, of course.
Popo: His stealth isn’t as good as Partijama’s, but still not shabby. You have to take your vitamins and look really hard for those ripples.
Partijama: Harrigan managed to see it at one point, and he looked like he thought he might be in need of a good night’s rest.
Lazlo: And I’d still rather see with Harrigan’s eyes than the lobster’s. He must have some other sort of extra-sensory perception to navigate the roof-tops with such grace. I keep expecting his foot to snag on something and send him tumbling over the edge of a building.
Popo: SPLAT! End of movie, time for Predator 3, HEEHAHAHAA.
Partijama (giggling): That would be rather funny.
Lazlo: Indeed; though the Predator may feel somewhat aggrieved.
Partijama: His vision is supposed to be far more effective than a human’s. In any wise he certainly didn’t appear to suffer any ill effects from it.
Popo: Ain’t that the truth. The guy was skipping across streets on the tops of vehicles, climbing up pipes, sprinting across buildings, lounging on ledges; if that doesn’t speak for Predator sight, I don’t know what does.
Lazlo: Pfft, extra-sensory lobster perception is what that was.
Popo: Mm, kind of like spider-sense, but for lobsters…yeah, I can dig it.
Partijama: He really put a thrashing on that gang in the hotel room.
Popo: Yeah, the big guy seems to have a liking – or disliking – for outlaws and voodoo-kind.
Lazlo: I like voodoo-kind.
Partijama: The gang leader made me laugh – (gang leader voice) “voodoo magic, mon.”
Lazlo: They weren’t laughing when the Predator showed up.
Popo: Whoa, they went bonkers, spraying bullets everywhere, and not even one shot on target.
Lazlo: Ha! Amateurs. A Laquan lord would never miss at that range; (eyes Popo) or any other.
Popo: Woohoo, Lazlo versus old crab-face, YESSS.
Lazlo: (Lord face) Lord Lazlo, clown. And lobster-face.
Popo: Lord Lazlo Clown, weee!
Lazlo: Why you…ignorant…
Partijama: Would you really battle him, Lord Lazlo?
Lazlo (straightens, shoulders back, chin up, smug smile): I’d destroy him, Partijama. All I’d need was my Krayol battle-suit…
Lazlo (smirking): And my Twylle blaster.
Lazlo: Set to…(drama pause) devastate.
Partijama: Goodness, you really do mean business.
Popo (queezy face): Predator kebab…minced. Well, as it is, we had a far more, uh, humane battle. And that’s saying something, considering how this guy just yanks out Bombastykans’ spines…(shudders) yeeesh. I don’t know what sector these Predators come from but they sure can use lessons in hospitality.
Partijama: He actually did show a bit of principle in the subway, after his, er, misdeeds on the train.
Lazlo: You mean with Detective Cantrell?
Popo: Yeah, that’s right. I thought that was pretty nice of the big guy. But then he went and stole somebody’s spine a minute later, so…
Lazlo: He was in total kill-mode on that train.
Popo: Thank goodness I don’t need the subway, that’s all I have to say about that.
Lazlo: So, you both saw where Keyes chose to set his trap for lobster-face, right?
Partijama/Popo: The slaughter house.
Lazlo: HA! Did I not say as much when we watched the first Predator movie, that they should’ve tried baiting him with meat?
Partijama: You did.
Popo: Yeah, you called that one. You really do understand monsters, don’t you?
Lazlo: Jealous much? Well, please, don’t stop on my account.
Popo: Whatever. I could’ve guessed meat if I’d wanted to; didn’t feel like it; that’s all.
Lazlo (swishes cloak with Lord flair): Well, I didn’t guess. I reasoned. (Chomps a spoon of Partijama’s Palate-popper ice-cream)
Popo: My trap would’ve been even better.
Lazlo (cackles): What, a stick of cocoa? So old gruesome could make some tea?
Popo: That’s where my genius comes in. I wouldn’t have used food at all.
Lazlo (eyes narrowed): Hmph, so, is it a secret, this…genius tactic of yours?
Popo (smug face, blows on nails and shines them on coat): Not at all, thank you kindly for asking.
Popo (looks up innocently): Oh, o-oh sorry, I forgot you were eagerly awaiting my brilliance.
Popo: I would’ve spread a net, one that would snatch whoever steps onto it in an instant, and in the middle of the net would be – (dramatic pause) – an infrared projector (fist pump), Woohoo!
Lazlo: An infra…and what good would that do?
Popo: Well, it would allow the Predator to watch his favourite movies, without the need for any additional devices. (Leans back, victory grin)
Popo: Jealous much?
Lazlo: I’m not jealous because that’s the most ridiculous-
Popo: Jealous. (Sticks out tongue)
Lazlo: Why you…YOU…
Partijama: The Predator did manage to foil Keyes’ plan. One could hardly fault Keyes for not anticipating that move on the part of his target.
Popo: A reasonable oversight; and boy did the big fella let Keyes and company know how he felt about their trap.
Lazlo: Had I been there, I would’ve anticipated that technology.
Popo: Really? That would’ve needed a serious stretch of the imagination.
Lazlo: And I would have made that stretch. Unlike Keyes, and (eyes Popo) certain other amateurs in the vicinity.
Partijama: This Predator employed some weapons we hadn’t seen in the previous film.
Lazlo: Learned their lesson, I suppose.
Popo: That disc-ish cutting thingie was no joke.
Partijama: Harrigan mastered it very quickly too.
Lazlo: One swing sent the big brute running like a little Murce.
Popo: The Predator totally forgot about his breathing mask when Harrigan gave him a taste of his own medicine. That Harrigan was one wild, persistent, tough cookie. I would’ve evaporated when all those Predators appeared in the end. I’d clean the cutter, return it with an apology, and leave, bowing all the way.
Lazlo: Bah! I would’ve taken them all out with one swing of the round-cutting-thingie.
Partijama: Oh my, now that’s really a stretch of the imagination, Lord Lazlo.
Lazlo (satisfied smile): And I am the master stretcher.
Popo (stands): Are you now. (Extends hands over-head and stretches; glances at Lazlo, and smiles)
Lazlo (rises to his feet): Stretching comes easy to us Laquan lords. (Bends to the right, and the left; glances at Popo, and snickers)
Popo: A bard is often forced to stretch in ways that others cannot. (Bends forward, knees straight, touches toes; grins)
Lazlo: Hmph, that’s nothing. Look, look at me. Sing a song to this! (Hits the ground in a front split)
Popo: You call that a stretch? Bear witness to real genius. Here’s a tune for you! (Plunges into a side-split)
Lazlo (grimacing, struggling out of split pose): L-let’s see another then…m-master stretcher.
Popo (sweating, gritting teeth, coaxing legs out of split): It…it’s your turn, I think.
Lazlo (flops to one side, grunting, sweat beading on forehead): I defer…ow…to you.
Popo: I…oohhh…wouldn’t want to impose.
Lazlo: It’s no problem at all, my friend, Popo. I love your stretches, they’re just…(legs moving) ee-ee-ow-ow…beautiful.
Popo: There’s nothing in this universe…ah-ah-aye-aye-aye…that can compare to your amazing stretches, wonderful Lord Lazlo.
Partijama: Well, if you two are finished with those simplistic, overly delicate, warm-up movements, (makes a hologram of a contortionist) we can move on to some more advanced exercises. (The contortionist strikes a pose)
Popo/Lazlo (eyes bug, jaws fall): Aaa-ka-keeek…(they exchange looks, flop to the floor, and lie still with their eyes closed)
Partijama: Oh well, (hologram fades) another time perhaps.
Popo (sits up): Oh, thank goodness. Isn’t life grand?
Lazlo (lips quivering, eyes tearing, voice shaking): Everything’s just so…so…beautiful right now.