Lazlo: No doubt that sea creature, that…shark, was possessed by an Abalite knave.
Popo: That’s putting it lightly.
Lazlo: And the Bombastykans keep these things as pets, do they?
Partijama: Oh no, not the Great White shark. They do keep other sharks in large aquariums though; zoos for fish. The real pets are much smaller and far more genial.
Popo: That tale didn’t take long to get going, did it? If you thought this was a movie about dentistry before it started, well, that wild opening knocked that notion out of your head with oomph.
Lazlo: Yet again highlighting the Bombastykans’ flawed thinking. They should have remained on the sand and let the Abalite come to them or kept a well charged de-knaver close at hand. A click of a button could’ve spared those people much distress.
Partijama: There is no evidence of this technology on Bombastyk, Lord Lazlo.
Lazlo (slaps hand to forehead): Oh, how much more of this antiquity must I bear?
Popo: Well, think about it, Lazlo, if they did possess this device, we would’ve missed a chilling tale and a stirring battle between the creature and the heroes of Amity – Quint, Hooper, and Chief Brody.
Partijama: And there really were some chilling parts.
Popo: (Bouncing with excitement) Pray tell, Partijama.
Partijama: Well, the opening scene that you mentioned; and the part when the creature snatched the young boy.
Popo (shudders): Yerrkkk! Oh yes, t-that was brutal.
Lazlo: You could see its body, and its flappers, rolling over in the water. You just knew the fiend was enjoying it.
Partijama: I felt so bad for Brody afterward when the victim’s mother shamed him in front of all those people.
Popo: I would’ve launched myself into a series of back-flips worthy of a bard; straight off that pier and into the sea and…yikes! Oh no, not the sea.
Partijama: Hehehe. Even before the appearance of the great fish, Chief Brody was no fan of the sea.
Lazlo: A Skwevie would’ve solved that dilemma; the new model makes you completely invisible from every angle. Not even so much as an outline or ripple.
Popo: Excellent thinking there, buddy. Make a note of that will you, Partijama, ol’ buddy, ol’ pal.
Partijama: Sure thing, Razz.
Lazlo: Someone in Amity must’ve really offended that Abalite. It’s not their way to wreak havoc with such randomness. They’re usually quite focused and systematic.
Popo: It did take to Amity, didn’t it?
Partijama: In the worst way.
Lazlo: Amity means friendship, according to the mayor; friendship was the last thing on the villain’s mind.
Popo: On the bright side it allowed us to see Quint in action.
Partijama: Oh, he was fantastic.
Lazlo: I liked the part where he sang the farewell song for Hooper after seeing his, uh, what did he call it?
Partijama: Anti-shark cage?
Lazlo: Yes, that’s it!
All (singing): Farewell and adieu to you, fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu, you ladies of Spain!
Popo: Ah, you guys are the best. What about when Quint showed up at the meeting and said (Quint voice) “This shark, swallow you whole.”
Partijama: Well done, Razz. Or when the Chief gets a close encounter with the fish for the first time and says (Brody voice), “I think we’re gonna need a bigger boat.”
Popo (standing ovation): Hahahaa; ah, you sound just like him. But hey, you know what my favourite part is, right?
All (Quint voice): 1100 men went into the water; 316 men come outta the water; sharks took the rest. (Celebrations)
Partijama: That climax was worth cheering too.
Popo: Oh boy, I didn’t see that one coming. Hey, Lazlo, even an Abalite couldn’t make it out of that one, am I right?
Lazlo: From what I know of Abalites, I’m inclined to agree with you. And agreeing with you is not something that I pride myself in doing, bard.
Popo: I shall concoct an ode to your agreement.
Lazlo: Why you-
Partijama: After all the mischief that shark got up to, I knew it wouldn’t have a good end.
Popo: Especially after Quint. Ah, that guy was a real hoot.
Lazlo: He was a fine Bombastykan peasant.
Popo: Hey, guys, I have concocted an ode in honour of Quint…and Lazlo’s agreement.
Lazlo: I also have concocted an ode, Popo; and I insist on going first.
Partijama: Oh my, an ode by Lord Lazlo.
Popo: Yeehaaa! Fire away, buddy!
Lazlo: I intend to. This ode is called “Treat the bard like an Abalite.”
Popo: Ooooh, that sounds like fun. Doesn’t it, Partijama?
Popo: Hit me with your best shot, Lazzie ol’ pal.
Lazlo: Oh, I intend to, Popo.
(Twylle blaster activates and fires. Great blue blast and Popo goes spinning through the air)
Popo: Wooohahahaaa! (He crashes into his pile of stuffed animals) Perhaps, we should just stick to movies for the time being.