Baki the Grappler
Popo: Wow! If you thought grappling was something akin to wrestling, think again. According to Baki, grappling is stupendously over-blown fight scenes between super-augmented Bombastykans that will knock your socks off!
Lazlo: Or, in your case, convince you to take them off and run around bare-footed like an imbecile.
Popo: Ohahahaha, I knew you were just pretending not to notice.
Lazlo: Actually I was wishing you would somehow slip into Partijama’s waste disposal system and be ejected into outer space.
Popo (eyes and mouth wide): Really? How peculiar. Do you know, I’ve wished the same thing on several occasions? (Beaming) Why, Lazlo, great minds really do think alike. You and I are like two peas in a pod.
Lazlo (grits teeth, narrows eyes): You go too far, Popo, take care that I don’t introduce you to a system of grappling far more heinous than that which you’ve just seen.
Popo (clapping, bouncing on seat): Oh goodie! When shall we begin? Let’s see, I may be able to fit you in later, after my rubber ducky bath…
Partijama: I think Lord Lazlo was just joking, Razz.
Lazlo: Oh no, I wasn’t. When I get my hands on that bard I-
Partijama: I think we should probably leave such modes of self-expression to Baki and the other augmented Bombastykans.
Popo: And can you imagine they were trying to pass off those Bombastykans as “normal?” Ha! They’re about as normal as…as…Goku! In super-saiyan mode!
Lazlo: Ha! Don’t be ridiculous. None of them were even close to that level. Well, except for that Yujiro.
Popo: Woohoo, that guy is a monster! I mean, this whole thing is supposed to be about Baki, but Yujiro pretty much stole the show.
Partijama: He was truly remarkable; in a league of his own.
Popo: His league is so far above everyone else’s, honestly, I was just waiting for them to reveal that he wasn’t really a Bombastykan, or at least that he’d drank a barrel of some sort of, hmmm, (twiddles fingers) let’s see, um, super solider serum, yes that’s it. And then he, um, got bitten by a radioactive spider, and that was right before he had an accident with his gamma ray machine-
Lazlo (glaring): Concocted all that yourself, did you?
Popo (snickering, palms over mouth): Ummmm…
Partijama: Enjoying the comics I got you, Razz?
Popo (blurts out): I am! Thank youuuuu!!
Partijama: Hehehe, you’re welcome.
Lazlo: Pffft, (waves a hand) sentimental nonsense; where’s Yujiro when you need him?
Popo: Why in the name of Bard magic would anyone need him?
Lazlo (eyes gleaming): Give me a moment, I’m sure I can come up with something.
Partijama: I suppose if you wanted to conquer a city, he’d come in handy.
Popo: Or a planet even.
Lazlo (maniac face): Now we’re talking.
Popo: I tell you, as amazingly, jaw-droppingly, incredible as Yujiro Hanma was, those other guys weren’t slouches either.
Partijama: No they weren’t.
Lazlo: Which made Yujiro even more amazing. I quite enjoyed whenever he appeared with his debonair smile.
Popo: Devilish you mean.
Lazlo: What’s the difference?
Partijama: Can you believe that Baki was just thirteen years old at the start of that series?
Popo: Buddy, there are a whole load of things I wouldn’t have believed had I not seen them all with my own lovely bard eyes…but I did, and now I do. Every single episode I was going “Whhaaattt??!!!” (A leap and a back-flip) I love it!
Lazlo: What about Hanayama. An incredible specimen…for a Bombastykan.
Popo: Gamma rays, definitely gamma rays…and a lot of it. That’s all I have to say about that.
Partijama: Even the word incredible is an understatement. There was nothing about him at all that said “Juvenile.”
Popo: And precious little that said “human.”
Lazlo: And still, look at the result when he ran into Yujiro.
Popo (shivers): Ewww, chicken legs…
Partijama: There were so many hair raising battles throughout, and colourful characters.
Popo: Yasha anyone?
Lazlo: Hahahaha, that creature was so very entertaining. How did it manage to spin in the air like that? It was as large as a hill.
Popo: So funny to see it clinching with Baki, he being about the size of its toe.
Partijama: Hehehehe, so true. (Sighs) I felt kind of bad for the poor creature though; such a sad life. And it just seemed to want to live in peace and raise its family, but the warriors just wouldn’t let it be.
Popo: Yeah, that was tough.
Partijama: And then Yujiro…(ship shudder) ooohhhh..
Popo (slouches in seat, flops leg over arm rest, sighing): Yeah, I know what you mean.
Lazlo: Well, I have to admit, I was, you know, a mite…not very pleased with Yujiro for that rogue-ish display.
Popo: Handkerchief, Lazlo?
Lazlo: (Snarling) Why you-
Partijama: And that Emi, what kind of mother was that? How awful for Baki.
Popo: She was a soul-crusher. Even her assistant was shocked by the things she said to her son.
Lazlo: Hmph, low, even by Bombastykan standards. I certainly didn’t anticipate her story to turn out the way it did though.
Partijama: Neither did I, Lord Lazlo. Oh, that was dreadful. I wanted her to get some come-uppance for her atrocious treatment of Baki but…
Popo: Yeah, that was a bit on the much side…thank you once again, Yujiro. Yeesh, I tell you, that guy has serious issues.
Lazlo: (Staring into space) Hmm, that was harsh. (Clears throat, straightens self) Also quite unexpected was the way the battle between him and Gaia turned out. I don’t think any of us really expected Yujiro to be defeated, but who could have anticipated that?
Partijama: Especially after they’d made Gaia out to be the Yujiro’s only true rival.
Popo: Boy, that theory went down the drain in double-quick time. The way he screamed after attacking Yujiro…actually, it was a little bit funny, (sheepish face) hehehe.
Lazlo: I loved that scene.
Popo: What about when Yujiro attacked the Prime Minister’s mansion?
Lazlo: (Grinning) Splendid.
Partijama: Although, I wasn’t convinced he should’ve fired any of his staff after that.
Popo: Exactly, I mean, what did he expect those poor Bombastykans to do against thau super-man? Geez.
Lazlo: That fight with Shinogi was also very entertaining. He had a very interesting technique, snip snip.
Partijama: Oh, how gruesome.
Popo: Kudos to the Bombastykan medics for patching Baki up after that one.
Partijama: At least he was far more honourable than his brother.
Popo: Whooo, that guy was not mentally stable, not even close.
Lazlo: Very fine medical skills though.
Partijama: When he’s putting them to good use.
Popo: That guy was another nut.
Lazlo: I was so hoping he would fight Yujiro.
Partijama: Me too. He deserved it. I was disappointed they didn’t have the great show-down that it all seemed to be building to, even after season two.
Popo: Yeah, season two was crazy too, with Yujiro’s apprentice, and then Yujiro’s other son showing up.
Lazlo: Haha, the juicer, how entertaining.
Partijama: That scene when Yujiro folded that poor fellow like a towel…(ship shudder) oh my.
Lazlo: A career-ending injury that was.
Partijama: In the real world perhaps. In that place, you never know, their medics showed remarkable skill.
Popo: Like that scene with Doppo, the way that guy revived him, even Yujiro was stunned. Incredibibbibble!! These Bombastykan bards just make my brain jiggle.
Lazlo: With a brain your size, Popo, jiggling is inevitable.
Popo (cackling, legs pedalling): Ahhh, this guy; but seriously, jiggling is fun. I didn’t even know my brain could jiggle until you said it just now, but just knowing it can, makes me feel kind of proud of myself.
Lazlo (reaching for grapes): Not drowning yourself during a bath is a feat worthy of great pride where you’re concerned, Popo.
Partijama: Hey, boys, there’s another tub of ice-cream over-
Lazlo (spits out grape-mush): Really??!!
Popo: My brain just jiggled.
(Popo and Lazlo leap, and bump in the air; they crash onto Lazlo’s cloud sofa)
Lazlo (wriggling under Popo’s tummy): Get off me, you imbecile!
Popo: Whoopsy daisy…
Lazlo (leaps onto Popo’s neck, trying to wrestle him into a Baki clinch): Want to play rough, do you, Popo?
Popo (wriggling, cackling): Cut it out, Laz…hehehahaha, that tickles!
Partijama: Oh, gracious, my systems must be compromised to suggest something like that. Oh well, I’ll just take a nap until they’re finished.
Lazlo: Why you…
(Squabbling and wrestling)
Partijama: A very long nap by the looks of it.