Popo: Wow, what a cracking start to our Bombastyk retreat; we’ve had rock-um sock-um action, anime splendour, and now THIS! Yippeee…(looks around nervously) uh, by the way, Partijama, my ol’ buddy ol’ pal, do you think you can, you know, give us a bit more light, please?
Partijama: Are you sure, Razz? You know, I can make further adjustments, even rearrange the suite to more accurately capture the feel of the Nostromo. I can even add a few holograms of the creature if you-
Popo: No need, buddy, no need! I wouldn’t want to, er, put unnecessary strain on your resources.
Partijama: Oh, it’s no strain at all, in fact-
Popo: Whoops, did you hear that?
Partijama: Hear what?
Popo: So you didn’t hear it.
Partijama: Uh, no, Razz, I suppose not…
Popo: Ah good, me neither, hehe.
Lazlo: Pfft, just look at him. (Squinting, wagging head slowly at Popo) What else can you expect from a measly bard?
Partijama: Your vitals are awry, Razz. There seems to be a significant amount of tension in you, does this have anything to do with the movie we just-
Popo: What??!! Movie? (Laughs and waves) Oh no, of course not. I’m just, uh, concerned for, um, Lazlo. We wouldn’t want to, you know, put him off his appetite, now would we?
Lazlo: Ha, the only thing that would put me off my appetite is sitting through more of your squealing and squirming. Some master of adventure you turned out to be. Hmph, intergalactic bard, indeed; intergalactic fraud is more like it. (Smug face) Why, a Laquan lord would sleep like a munchkin in the belly of that spook ship.
Popo: Hahaha, ah, c’mon, you guys know I was only doing that for your amusement.
Eeee-aaarrck!! (Milkshake spraying everywhere) Partijama, cut it out, geez…
Partijama (giggling): You’re right, Razz, that was amusing.
Lazlo (shaking head, lips tight): Pitiful.
Popo (clears throat): Anyway, that tale had a healthy dose of suspense, and not a little of the creeps. From the very start there was a heavy, dark, kind of foreboding feel to it.
Partijama: Even the way the movie title crept on-screen, backed by a dramatic score.
Lazlo: I thought that was a nice touch – very dramatic.
Popo: Hehe, it was. And then the spaceship, the Nostromo, oh boy, it was like a big shadowy asteroid. Nothing like you though, you’re all bright and cheery and slick and really sophisticated.
Partijama: Thank you.
Popo: And those little noises inside, those clicks and pops and crackly thingies; it was like being inside a giant Bombastykan sea-monster…NO, a space-monster from…from…
Lazlo (rolls eyes, plops head against palm): Oh goodness.
Partijama: Yes, it did give the impression of being alive.
Lazlo: Those Bombastykans were so silly and reckless; venturing into deep space, unprepared to deal with a lone Gorkin debt collector.
Popo: Mmm, yeah, I’m not so sure they were dealing with a Gorkin, Laz-
Lazlo: Well, I am. Gorkin tenacity is well known throughout Dayamon province. Still, I must admit I had no idea they could be so…well…sinister. Did you see how it interrupted that Bombastykan’s dinner?
How rude. Not to mention impractical. How precisely was the Bombastykan supposed to clear his debt after that horrid intrusion? Ripley should’ve sent a recording of that encounter to the Panskrel of Dayamon Prime, set that rogue right.
Popo: I think Ripley would’ve rather sent herself to Dayamon Prime; which is pretty much what Lambert was saying – just get in the shuttle and skedaddle. I would’ve been up for that.
Lazlo: The shuttle couldn’t manage them all.
Popo: I was going to fit, one way or the other. After what happened to Dallas, no way I was hanging around for any more of that fiend’s shenanigans. No sir, not for all the ice-cream in-
Partijama: Not even a tub of Tropical swirl delight?
Popo (licking lips): I suppose I could’ve stayed around for a few more hours…b-but that’s it!
Lazlo: You do realize you would’ve had to draw straws, don’t you? (Eyes gleam) That would’ve been a very interesting game indeed.
Partijama: Oh my, would it ever. The winners leave by shuttle, the other stays behind with-
Popo: With that thing. No way! I could think of a whole bunch of other games I’d rather play.
Lazlo: “Hopping the scotch” for one, I imagine.
Popo: Hop-scotch, yippee!
Lazlo: Hmph, silliness. (Face stern and defiant) I would’ve played their dangerous game. With my Laquan pedigree, I would’ve surely snatched a long straw.
Popo: Your pedigree would’ve turned to pedi-gripe when you plucked the short one. (Slapping thigh, bellowing with laughter) Oh boy, I tell you, that would’ve been a sight.
Lazlo: (Eyes narrow) Keep laughing, peasant. (Fist clenched) In such an unlikely event, I would’ve honoured the arrangement. (Lord smile) Oh yes, I would’ve stayed on that ship, (pause; arm shoots up) and I would’ve conquered the villain!
Popo (eyes wide, grinning, leans forward): Yes, yes, I see it now. I think I would’ve stayed as well, and then I-
Lazlo (glaring): I said it first, Popo, you concoct your own scenario. (Folds arms) Intergalactic bard indeed. Intergalactic lard is what you are, Popo. (Cackling)
Partijama: Did you get a sense of how small and vulnerable everyone seemed even before the trouble started?
Popo (crosses legs with flair): I sure did; like that part when they were walking across the planet to find the stranded ship. Boy, that ship was big; it was BIG; the way it was just plopped down on the hills, looking down on the whole landscape, dwarfing everything.
Partijama: Those were very impressive images.
Popo: The shape was intimidating too, like an enormous horse-shoe. Horses kick you know.
Lazlo: I could barely see the crew as they approached it.
Popo: Yes, you had to look really hard for the tiny dots of their lanterns below the ship.
Lazlo: They looked like those little marching…thingies; the ones we saw on that Bombastyk TV show.
Lazlo: Yes, that’s it.
Partijama: On National Geographic?
Lazlo: I don’t doubt it.
Partijama: And when they were exploring the interior of the vessel, oh my, they looked as though they’d gotten even smaller, if that were possible.
Popo: Poor mister clumsy; such a massive ship and he just had to find the one wrong place to tumble into.
Partijama: That was unfortunate. After that catastrophe, the sight of the vessel straddling the jagged mountain range amidst the murk and the whistling winds, gave an amazing sense of utter isolation and despair – uh, brilliant scene.
Popo: Well said, buddy.
Lazlo: I like the part when Ash went berserk.
Popo: Ohahaha, that was some delightful madness.
Partijama: I like when Ripley was running around the ship with Jonesey, and she could barely see where she was going, and had no idea where the creature was. I nearly popped a circuit.
Popo: That was splendid! And thank goodness your circuits managed just fine.
Partijama: Agreed, on both counts.
Popo: And when Brett met the monster – yeesh. Oh, oh, and when it was moving (arms waving in slo-mo) toward Lambert, eeehh, I had the squirmy-wormies.
Partijama: You did. You were funny.
Lazlo: And how did that Gorkin get so big? I’ve never seen one that size before. (Popo sighs and shakes head) It must’ve slipped into some toxic goo on that ship. Well, they’ll know to secure their goo next time.
Popo: I’d take goo over that creature any day. When that thing showed up after we thought it was gone…(shivers) yee-hee…uugghhh.
Lazlo: Yee-hee? Uugghh? When did you learn to speak Burbul, Popo?
Partijama: Ellen Ripley was so brave, and so smart to create and execute a plan against the creature.
Popo: Watching her roam about the ship nearly gave me the heart-attackies.
Lazlo: (Nods appreciation) She was nearly worthy of the lowest Laquan badge of courage.
Popo: I think Ripley would agree with me that once around the block is enough. I need to watch a smurf movie now, I think.
Partijama: Anyone up for a second showing?
Popo (jiggling, hand raised): I’m in! Me me me, pick MEEEE…hey, Lazlo, what’s that you have there?
Lazlo: A Vong zapper.
Popo: Woohoo, I’ve been longing to see one. How does it work?
Lazlo: A demonstration?
Popo: Absolutely, I always wanted to see one in action and…(cable-mounted button strikes him in the chest, wraps him in electric blue) aarckk! (Flops into seat, dishevelled, mad-smiling)
Lazlo: And now you have, Popo. Hehehe.
Partijama: Lord Lazlo.
Lazlo: (Lord grin) Hmm?
Yeehohohooo!! (leaps, arms and legs flapping, over the back of his cloud sofa)